A Nightingale In A Golden Cage

"It's a shame there's no one to blame/For all the pain that life brings."

It is.

This is not directed to anyone in particular, but it's just my personal view. Don't be offended if you disagree. I tend to be very agreeable when others express their personal opinions. If I disagree with you, I'll likely say, "I see where you're coming from - I really do. I understand how you see that such and such should be this way, however, my belief is a, b, and c."

Now that that's been said, I digress:

College is a time for change. College is a time for finding yourself. College is the place where we go to live our lives for the first time without parental guidance. At least, it is for many of us. Some change is expected from this, obviously, because you can't just go out and live on your own without learning a few new things about yourself that you didn't know previously.

Now, understandably, this might be a bit difficult to understand for those who stay at home for college. Or even for those who don't go to college at all. I don't know the percentage off the top of my head, but there is a chunk of high school graduates who never go to college.

For me, college was/is weird for a couple reasons.

1) The classes are HUGE, which means two things:
   a) You don't get to know your professor.
   b) You hardly talk to anyone, which makes it sooo much harder to meet new people.
2) My old friends aren't around everyday, which makes keeping up the relationships ten times harder. Ok, maybe not ten times harder. Maybe seven. But it's definitely more difficult.
3) It's a completely different atmosphere to adjust to. You automatically get thrust into this environment of adulthood that you never got in high school. In high school, the administration continually bombarded you with the idea that you were still a minor and they literally controlled your fate. And now that that bull is over and done with (and now that we're in control of our own lives for the most part) we're considered adults.

But for those who stay behind, I wonder perhaps if there is something in psychology to suggest why they seem to be stuck in the high school mentality. Once you walk that line, high school is OVER. No more high school drama. Now it's just melodrama and real life crap that happens to everyone else. Think your life totally sucks? Go check fmylife.com - if you can't find a similar situation on there, then yes, maybe your life does suck more than usual. If not, then, hey, it seems like everyone else has been wearing your shoes while you weren't looking. Wow. Tangent. Sorry. My point is that college is a time where people (typically) make most of their bad decisions because they're on their own for the first time. People change in college. It happens. It's the stepping stone to pure adulthood, with bills, and jobs, and all that jazz. College is stereotypically a time where people explore and expand and curse and make poorer decisions than they usually did in high school. College is where the parents and inhibitions disappear for many students. College is where many can let loose and discover who they really are. College is typically a time where people have fun and learn things about the world. Ask any parent and they'll have stories up the wazoo.

I had a goal in mind: get to my own personal diatribe that I spouted off about an hour ago at someone who needed to hear it, in my own oh-so-professional opinion.

Hypothetical situation: Person A is friends with Persons B and C. Persons B and C go their separate ways after graduation, off to college like many people. Person A, however, opts to stay home. Now, when Persons B and C have personal problems, they turn to Person A because they know that, in the past, Person A has always been the kind of person to talk to about such crappy life happenings. However, when Person A attempts to share such crappy life happenings with Persons B and C, B and C do not wish to speak about said crappy life happenings with Person A. Now, normally, I would suggest that Persons B and C were tards, however, that would be jumping the gun. Let us analyze why Persons B and C do not wish to return the favor.

Person B is going through a lot of shit. Person B doesn't like thinking about depressing aspects of life and would rather not think about anything that makes them feel uncomfortable. Person B has mentioned before in the friendship that they do not feel comfortable knowing/talking about certain crappy situations that are in Person A's life.

Person C is emotionally immature and unable to deal with certain aspects relating to the more depressing parts of crappy situations. I would guess that Person C is too emotionally young to know what to do in a situation that Person A presents, and thus, feels uncomfortable. Person C has similarly expressed a desire to not discuss certain crappy situations with Person A.

I suspect both Persons B and C have an innate fear of death, as well, which would make both persons feel even more uncomfortable.

Now, part of being someone's friend means that one must accept all aspects of them. This is not a one-sided idea, however. It is required that both individuals accept one another. One might argue that Persons B and C not wishing to discuss crappy life situations with Person A is a failure of this idea. However, Person A's lack of acceptance for the desires of Perons B and C is also a failure of this idea. In such a case, we are left with a circle of pointing fingers. Thus, someone must take a stand and grow a pair, for lack of a better term.

What I mean to say is that while both parties may be in the wrong, someone must make the decision to stand in the morally sound department and raise themselves above such trivialties. Acceptance is the key. I will pretend that I am Person A (which I'm not, but nevertheless...). As Person A, I would brush off the fact that Persons B and C felt uncomfortable. I have many friends with which I may converse about crappy life situations, therefore, the fact that Persons B and C will not converse with me isn't a big deal because there's always someone else I can talk to. See? Problem solved. No need to throw the friendships away over spilled milk.

In fact, Person A (which is no longer me) can consider this a learning experience, assuming that Person A is the one that takes the morally higher ground. Person A has learned that Persons B and C are not the people to go to when Person A needs someone to talk to. This does not mean that Persons B and C are not good friends; they are just....emotionally unstable people that enjoy avoiding such situations that make them feel awkward or uncomfortable. Person A should respect that.

However, Persons B and C should think about growing up in the near future. Life is not just a Monopoly board that we travel in a circles around (actually, it'd be more like travelling in a square, wouldn't it?). We can't control the people around us, but we can control ourselves, and so that is what we must settle for (unfortunately). Sometimes things make us uncomfortable, but that's also part of growing up, and thus we must deal with it like adults. And here, I cannot resist adding, "And you are adults, aren't you?" Don't say otherwise. In this hypothetical situation, Persons A, B, and C are all adults. And frankly, none of them are acting like it. Perhaps it's too much to ask nowadays, for young adults (yes, they're young adults, too) to act their ages. Perhaps when people say that the voting age should be raised to 21, we should raise it. (I personally don't advocate raising the voting age at all, but some do.)

Wow....tangent. Sorry. Here, have a metaphor:

We love the people we love because we love who they are, flaws and all. And, yeah, maybe their flaws include instability or the inability to return certain kinds of affection, but with time and effort - it's not going to happen overnight - they might be able to change. But we can't just expect instant gratification with people. People are a complex computer system that we have to get used to and when the upgrade is finally ready, we can install it.
It takes two to tango, as my mother always said. It's not Person A's fault alone, nor is it the fault of Persons B and C. It's all of their faults. However, Person A hypothetically took the higher ground, and thus disregarded the wrongdoings of Persons B and C, making themselves the better person in this case and forgiving them for something they might not even be aware of. And, honestly, it would be a bit silly for Person A to throw two good friendships away over the fact that their upgrades haven't arrived in the mail quite yet.

That's just my two cents. Disagree, Agree, Complain, Rant, whatever you like.