A Nightingale In A Golden Cage

Things should be different.

I should not be like this.

I should have more courage, more confidence.

Shouldn't I?

I dreamt he sent me a letter. On a piece of yellow paper in blue pen. And in it, he talked about everything that I had wanted to confess.

As I sit hre, staring at the screen and typing at the same time, I can't help but feel a bit surreal. After all, I'm staring through the television and my fingers are moving as if they all have minds on their own.

I remember when I was on the phone at the MU and I saw him out of the corner of my eye and he looked over at me. And I can never tell what he's thinking (not that I should be able to) but at that moment, I felt that there was something to it....just like when he said "you seem sad" and I lied and said "it's just the paper" (or something akin to that) he got this look on his face that made me wonder if he believed me....

But it's likely nothing. I'll never know.

My mother apparently can't wait to see me. I'm almost afraid to go back.....will anything be different? Or will it all be the same? Have things changed since I've been gone - but they'll go back once I return?

I wish I could just move on. Grow up. Fall in love. Be kissed.

AKGJALKSJFAKGJK.

That's possibly the silliest, corniest crap I've ever wanted. It's utter shite. Stupid things to want, really.

Music. I need music.