A Nightingale In A Golden Cage

*Yawn*

So....apparently I passed out for about three hours? They had to come and wake me up. How did they wake me up? Put Cora on top of me and watched what she did. That's definitely a new one.

And when I finally wandered out, Dan was like, "Yeah, Cora went to college while you were out."

And I was like, "How long was I out?"

"Like 24 hours. It's not Thanksgiving anymore."

"WHAT?! Really??"

"No, you were only out for a few hours."

Geez. I'm so gullible. And now I feel like so much time has passed since I was awake. And I still haven't gotten very far on my English paper. Ugh.

Anywho, so last night I slept in the Blue Room and went to bed at around 1-ish in the morning....but woke up at 4-something in the morning feeling like I had slept for 8 hours already. It was the dreams I had, I swear.

I dreamt I was the 10th Doctor's companion. And the world was, as usual, coming to an avoidable end. And the Doctor told me to stay somewhere and was more insistent upon it than usual. In fact, I remember him saying, "Please, Christina. Promise me that you won't move from this spot." And so I promised him. And before he left, he kissed me on the forehead and told me he had something to tell me when he got back.

So I waited. And then suddenly, there was this crazy lady. And she was shouting and she had a huge, heavy mallet that she kept swinging around. Of course, I was running from her....and then the Doctor came back and shouted something and I stopped and looked up. And then his eyes got really big and he yells "No!" and then I dreamt that this crazy lady hit my in the side of the head with her mallet.

After that, it was like an out of body experience within the dream. I watched as the Doctor, angry as he was, vowed to destroy the crazy lady. And I can't remember how he did it, exactly, because I mostly dreamt that I was just laying there on the ground. And then he was back and kneeling beside me. I kept thinking he was going to say, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" like he usually does in the show, but he didn't. Instead, he just knelt there and seemed to be speechless. So I opened my eyes in the dream, and looked at him, and he was crying. In my dream. And I felt so bad. So I said, "Doctor?"

And he seemed to snap out of it when I said that and he looked at me, and there was something in his eyes... relief, joy - so many things mixed in at the same time that it literally made me gasp. And then he said something that I can't recall and the next thing I knew, he'd scooped me up and was heading back to the Tardis.

And then he said it: "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." But he didn't stop there. "I didn't think...She wasn't supposed to....You were supposed to be safe." And I didn't say anything. But I remember my eyes were getting heavy. I was getting sleepy in a dream....which doesn't seem to make much sense to me, but apparently it happens. And all I heard was "Keep your eyes open. Don't you dare close them, Christina." But I closed them anyway because I was just. so. tired. And then I switched points of view in the dream. I became like....the silent invisible observer. And I was staring down at myself, unconscious, in the Tardis and the Doctor's using some sort of Time Lord equipment to heal me or something. I can't remember. I remember being more focused on the fact that he was quite unhinged by the fact that I was unconscious and it seemed like I wasn't going to wake soon.

I think he cursed in Gallifreyan at some point. And banged on a counter in frustration. And then he seemed to calm down a bit and just started begging. Which is, of course, rare for the Doctor.

"Please...."

And I felt bad. Because he seemed so sad and desperate.

"You're healed, you're fine! Just wake. Up!"

Or something like that. I can't remember what exactly was said, because I went back into myself and then I felt his hand in mine and I squeezed. I'm sure when he felt me squeeze his hand, he must have felt a little better. And I opened my eyes. Yeah, they were still heavy and I just wanted to sleep still, but I had to show him that he didn't have to worry or be sad.

And then he was staring down at me with such relief and care that I felt like I couldn't breathe. For a long time, no one said anything. He just stared at me and I just stared back. And then he touched my cheek for a moment and said "You're so cold." Then it was back to the staring. And then he said something that makes me warm even thinking about it right now. He looks at me, still squeezing my hand, and he says, "I love you. That's what I was going to tell you later. I love you."

And I'm still laying there of course thinking "....whoa......" And he's staring at me still and I realize that he's waiting for me to say something. And I'm like....what do you say to that? I mean, yeah, in the dream, I felt the same way, but I just didn't know how to reply.

He seemed to get that, though. Because then he kissed me (and trust me, he's really good at it) and said "I love you, understand?"

So I nod, unable to say much else and that's where I woke up. Well....certain things might have ensued before I woke up. But let's not go there... Let's just say I woke up. At 4-something in the morning. And for a long time after, I just lay there replaying that dream over and over in my head...

.....

And then I fell asleep again and had this dream:

I was back with the Doctor, and I know that this dream takes place after the first one. Except, every time I looked at him, his face would switch back and forth between David Tennant's face......and my English professor's. Which was weird. I sort of just ignored it. It's probably because they kind of resemble each other? ajiglkajlkfjas Who knows.

Anywho, so somehow Twilight (ew) of all things slipped into my dream. I decided to go cliff diving. I guess my mind has been a little preoccupied with the fact that my own mother (who's more of a feminist than I am) called me singing the praises of Twilight and New Moon. The movies. I about gagged when she told me. But that's a tangent. Anywho.

So, cliff diving. And the Doctor was standing next to me, hands in his pockets casually. But it was like he wasn't really there. It was like he was a figment of my imagination. And then there was this girl dressed goth-style. And she looked so angry with me, like she hated me. And she said "Jump off the cliff." And, in the dream, I found I couldn't not do what she said. So I jumped the cliff. And of course when I landed (because it was so very high) I was in pain and other things that I can't recall.....And then the Doctor was there performing CPR on me until I coughed and choked and caught my breath. And then he helped me change into warmer clothes (which included one of his shirts). I think we spent some time snuggling under a blanket after that....amongst other things....

Anyway. I woke wishing that I could just stay in my dreams forever. Because if only that could happen....well, obviously not the getting hit in the head with a mallet part. Or jumping off a cliff. I'm sooo afraid of heights that it's not even funny. I get panicky going down the stairs sometimes. But seriously? Having the Doctor tell me that he feels that way? Or even just getting it on with the Doctor. That would be fun.

In hindsight, writing this probably wasn't a good idea. Now I'm in one of those moods......

ANYWHO. NEW TOPIC. I had to go and wake up. Anyways, so I left my coccoon of warmth and coziness.....and had breakfast with Ellen and Cora. Took Cora to the park and she shared! There was this other little boy there named Kieran (unsure of spelling) with his two fathers. And he wanted to play with Cora's sand toys but his parents told him to give the rake back and when he did, Cora just handed it right back to him. And I was so proud of her! I got to talk to Kieran's parents a little. They thought she was mine, which both pleases and amuses me.

On the one hand, it means that I can pull off the mother thing. On the other hand, it's amusing because I'm definitely not old enough to be Cora's mom. Well, I suppose I am, but she's way too asian to be mine. I'm only a halfie. Anywho. I thought that was cool.

My mind's in a place right now. Can't write anymore for now.

Cheers.